"faith-crisis"

mya sembya ee teh kto ya loobloo!
(my family and loved ones!)

Let's just say this week was my "faith-crisis". You see, I've always
considered myself a faithful person, actually a very faithful person.
I honestly thought I was going to come into Russia and the miracles
would just start to flow.... like I was God's gift to Russia. I
thought I would see miracles everyday and have loads of those amazing
missionary stories that every missionary seems to have. I thought it
would be so easy and just... I dont know... fulfilling. It is
fulfilling, hear you me. It's the most fulfilling thing EVER. But its
no merry-go-round. And this week, everything seemed to come crashing
down. Nothing terrible happened, it just seemed like everything was
shouting at me "YOU HAVE NO FAITH! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ONE MIRACLE AND
YOU NEVER WILL. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE????". I couldnt get these
thoughts out of my head. And then yesterday my head almost exploded. I
just felt like I had no faith, and because of it, I was failing the
Lord. (Gosh how depressed and down do I sound???)
My companion and I kept talking about it and we both just seemed so
confused and we couldnt even figure out what faith even means. FAITH!
The first principle of the gospel, the simplest easiest thing.... why
had it turned so confusing??? I started to write in my journal last
night, and I just let it all out onto the paper. As I was writing I
realized that it doesn't matter; I need to get this doubting spirit out
of my head and return back to my child-like faith. The faith that no
matter whats going on, no matter how hard or easy life is, no matter
where I am, who I am, or what I've experienced..... that NO MATTER
WHAT, all that matters is that I DO MY BEST. MY VERY BESTEST. And I
trust the Lord that as I do so, I will fulfill His will. That He will
lead me, He will teach nme what I need to learn, He will lead me so
that I can be His hands here in His vineyard. So let's stop counting
our "miracles". Let's stop trying to measure our faith. Cuz its not up
to us to measure our faith. We just need to forget ourselves and do
His work, and He will do the rest. And all will be well.
Wow. I feel so much better getting all of that out of my head. But
really, the gospel is true! God lives and loves us, and so does His
son, our Savior and brother. And I love them so much.
And I love all of you.
-Love Sis Tenney
ps- the pics in order...
my CRAZY hair from humidity and the litle girls in the ward deciding
to brush my hair haha
my search to find those ready for the gospel :)