"faith-crisis"

mya sembya ee teh kto ya loobloo!
(my family and loved ones!)

Let's just say this week was my "faith-crisis". You see, I've always
considered myself a faithful person, actually a very faithful person.
I honestly thought I was going to come into Russia and the miracles
would just start to flow.... like I was God's gift to Russia. I
thought I would see miracles everyday and have loads of those amazing
missionary stories that every missionary seems to have. I thought it
would be so easy and just... I dont know... fulfilling. It is
fulfilling, hear you me. It's the most fulfilling thing EVER. But its
no merry-go-round. And this week, everything seemed to come crashing
down. Nothing terrible happened, it just seemed like everything was
shouting at me "YOU HAVE NO FAITH! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ONE MIRACLE AND
YOU NEVER WILL. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE????". I couldnt get these
thoughts out of my head. And then yesterday my head almost exploded. I
just felt like I had no faith, and because of it, I was failing the
Lord. (Gosh how depressed and down do I sound???)
My companion and I kept talking about it and we both just seemed so
confused and we couldnt even figure out what faith even means. FAITH!
The first principle of the gospel, the simplest easiest thing.... why
had it turned so confusing??? I started to write in my journal last
night, and I just let it all out onto the paper. As I was writing I
realized that it doesn't matter; I need to get this doubting spirit out
of my head and return back to my child-like faith. The faith that no
matter whats going on, no matter how hard or easy life is, no matter
where I am, who I am, or what I've experienced..... that NO MATTER
WHAT, all that matters is that I DO MY BEST. MY VERY BESTEST. And I
trust the Lord that as I do so, I will fulfill His will. That He will
lead me, He will teach nme what I need to learn, He will lead me so
that I can be His hands here in His vineyard. So let's stop counting
our "miracles". Let's stop trying to measure our faith. Cuz its not up
to us to measure our faith. We just need to forget ourselves and do
His work, and He will do the rest. And all will be well.
Wow. I feel so much better getting all of that out of my head. But
really, the gospel is true! God lives and loves us, and so does His
son, our Savior and brother. And I love them so much.
And I love all of you.
-Love Sis Tenney
ps- the pics in order...
my CRAZY hair from humidity and the litle girls in the ward deciding
to brush my hair haha
my search to find those ready for the gospel :)

The Lord's Inspiration

My dear ones,
It is amazing to me how much I hate writing emails. I mean of course I
love it, but it's just SO DIFFICULT to know how to express how I feel,
what kinds of things I'm experiencing. It's cliche, but it really is
impossible to put to words what a mission is. I just believe that a
mission is something so special, jam-packed with heart wrenching
moments, bursts of laughter, tears of both sadness and happiness,
quiet moments, people you know you were supposed to meet and never
want to part, extreme tiredness, just never wanting the day to end
while yet counting down til you can fall on your knees at night and
then pass out in bed. I love it all. ALL OF IT.
This week was just awesome. Not especially successful, but just GOOD
:) I never realized how important companions are. I have loved alll of
my companions. SO MUCH. But Sister Morrison and I blend so well
together its ridiculous. Missionary work has never been so SMOOTH. Of
course we make lots of mistakes and are trying to be better each day,
but Sister Morrison, I dont know, just somehow we are already BEST
FRIENDS! Like what the heck??? I feel like I've always known her. It's
quite hilarious actually. We have this rule that once you leave the
apartment you have to speak russian. Which is just hilarious becasue
sister Morrison is so new her russian is quite... ummm... simple haha.
So we don't talk too much once we lock the apartment door. But once we
get home we talk a mile a minute... bed time comes much too quickly.
It's weird, I never really felt like i was a "talker", but with her we
just cant seem to stop!
What's crazy is how much I really feel the Lord's inspiration each day.
There are often instances where I KNOW I was being led by the Lord to
do what i did, or say what I said. One particular instance was with
this girl named KIRA we met on the street (I right away told her my
best friend's name is Kira.... SHOUT OUT TO MY BESTIE KIRA!)
anyways.... as I spoke, it just came out so easily, and she was
somehow interested! She said she would come to church, which we didn't
believe (everyone says they will come but never do) and she actually
showed!! And LIKED it. We're gonna start working with her this week.
WOW. I know that doesn't sound like anything too special. But I know
it's the Lord's hand starting to work in her life :)
This week I read Pres. Uchdorf's message about how we are always in
the middle. I love how he quoted Emily Dickenson.... "Forever is
composed of nows". SO TRUE. So often I think about how TOMORROW I'll
do this, or try this, or start this goal. We need to get the idea of
tomorrow out of out head. TODAY is the future.... what we do today is
what shapes tomorrow. We should not be living so that tomorrow is
shaping today. So get up and go do! Like James said
"BE YE DOERS!".
I love you all! So much. love, Sister Tenney
ps- those are pictures on k-grad's highest building! ENJOY!

Working non-stop :)

Family and friends,
I have a new companion and she is AWESOME! We flew back into k-grad
and since then have worked non-stop. It is an amazing feeling. The
feeling when you come home at night and just want to pass out right on
the floor you've worked so hard that day. i pass out every night, but
I've never felt better! Sister Morrison is from Oakly Utah straight
from the MTC. I love how willing she is to work and talk to people
even though she has no idea what they are saying and is scared out of
her mind haha. I just want to cry I'm so happy. I KNOW we are going to
be successful together. We are going to see miracles. I'm confident of
that.
And that is the purpose of life! It's so easy to get lazy, to not
follow this rule or commandment perfectly, or just to kind of ignore a
few of the tiny things we know we should be doing. As we strive to do
EVERYTHING we are supposed to. And not just do it, but LOVE it as we
do it, then we see miracles! We feel livelier than ever before.
We can face each day and each decision with confidence. And we are
Happy! Before my mission I would have never thought that
WORK=HAPPINESS. But I can now testify that it is! If you don't believe
me, test it out! I promise you, that you can know this for yourself as
well.
So let's try a little harder to be a little better. Gah, I'm so
imperfect. It's frustrating that I can't be better, but I know as I
strive to be better шаг за шагом (shag za shagom= step by step) that
while the growth is slow, it is happening! And all of a sudden I've
been a missionary for over a year and can see the MILES that I've
grown.
I love all of you. SO MUCH! Open your mouth and share the gospel! Just try it :)
love, Sis Tenney


 

we found this old cool camera!

cool braid :)

me, lena and her brother daniel

just me being me haha

me and lena on the 4th of july

us following the babyshka to her "dacha"

us (me and sister pinkston) with the armenain kids

us at the armenian family's house

k-grad me and lena on the cute cobblestone streets

me and my new comp sis morrison!

A week full of surprises and goodness

Friends and family, those whom I LOVE!

This week so FULL of surprises and goodness. First of all, I found out
I will be here in k-grad another 6 weeks (WOO HOO!) and I will be
training an American greenie. (Which I'm stoked for I LOVE training :).
Basically I got everything that I wanted. How did I get so lucky???
Secondly, our Armenian family is doing AWESOME. They came to church
yet again and I already see how they are changing. There's a baptism
this Saturday and I'm convinced that once Rosana (the mom) goes to the
baptism, she will want to be baptized as well. SO PLEASE keep Rosana
in your prayers this week :)
Third, this week was ridiculously hot. I now respect all missionaries
who serve in South America or where it's super hot an muggy, I wanted to
die! We went out and served in this lady's "dacha", which is kinda
like a plot of land with a house where they have huge vegetable
gardens. It was over 90 degress and like 200% humidity. We like hiked
out on this cool trail to get there. All of a sudden a bunch of these
mini houses came into view. A babushka walked out of her dacha only in
her bra and underwear! I didn't want to wave hi cuz I didn't want to
embarrass her, but then she just walked up to us and started talking
to us like it was no big deal. And all of a sudden all the babushkas
started coming out of the houses, and they were all naked too! GAH! So
grosse and awkward. They kept trying to get us to undress with them as
we worked, but we kindly REFUSED haha. SO FUNNY.
Good Ol Russia. I love you my dear.
Lena was with us again this week. I just am so proud of her. She is
teaching her younger brother to pray and praying with him each night.
She helped us at a meeting the other day with the Armenian family when
we taught the Plan of Salvation. The next day she told me that after
the lesson, she went home and realized she believed the Plan of
Salvation to be true, but didn't KNOW it for herself. So she read her
scriptures and prayed that night to know if it was true. She told me
how as she did so, she KNEW God was listening to her and she felt the
spirit so strongly and now she can tell people that she KNOWS for
herself that the plan of salvation is God's beautiful and perfect plan
for His children, for US! Can you believe her? She is 15! She turned
15 two weeks ago. And she already has such a remarkable and personal
relationship with God, and she knows where to turn for help, answers,
and comfort. If you dont' already know these things for yourself, I BEG
you, follow Lena's example. GOD LIVES! And He LOVES you. He knows you
more than you can realize. Like Elder Christoffersen told me
himself, "God could not love you anymore if you were His only child".
I love you all. I love my mission. And most of all I love my Father in
Heaven and His church that His Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, leads
today.
Love, Сестра Тенни

Called of God

Dear family and friends,
SO sometimes on your mission you forget how important your calling is;
I forget that I have been called of God to do HIS work, be HIS hands
here in Russia. But this week God really seemed to send a lot my way
to remind me. This week, for the first time ever, I cried while out on
the street talking with people. We always just try to talk to everyone
as we go from meeting to meeting, and as we were doing so, a lady
randomly just walked up to us (which is really weird rarely does
anyone walk up to US) and asked "Are you Americans?". We replied yes,
and then to our surprise she just starts yelling at us and saying
things like "you don't know what we need!" and "you just sit here and
keep smiling while you really just don't understand anything" and just
all these rude things. We tried to walk away and as we did so I said
"chastleyvee vam" which is a parting phrase they often say here which
kinda means someting like "hapiness to you" and then she really
freaked out and was like " Don't you dare say that to me, I don't want
you to be happy or your children!" at this point I'm mad (I'm
embarrassed to admit) and just trying not to burst out yelling at her,
and then she said "you don't even do anything, you just walk around and
bug people". At that point I stood up straight and pointed at her and
said, with the most power I could muster "YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE DO".
And then we walked away and I just started crying. I know this story
just sounds lame and like any other experience a normal missionary has,
but I was SO frustrated not because she was "mean" or "rude", but
becasue she tried to demean our СALLING. I'm not just walking around
trying to speak Russian for no reason! I have been called of God, I'm
doing His work and its a lot more than just STROLLING the streets of
K-grad. I just was sooooo sad and frustrated... but it really reminded
me of how important this time is for me.
And the second instance, we were meeting with this member who hasn't
been to church in a few years, she's completely innactive, and
smoking, and you can just tell she's miserable. She loves us, and is
SOOOO close to coming back to church, and promises us she will each
week, and then she DOESNT! It is driving me crazy. I cant give up on
her though cuz I can feel, so strongly, that God wants us there with
her and is just waiting, so patiently, for her to go back to church.
At our meeting with her she told us she wouldn't be coming to church
and I just had a mini freak out attack inside of me of frustration and
I kinda shut down for 5 minutes and my companion had to take over.
Finally I just calmed down and strated to pray, so that I would do
just what my Heavenly Father wants me to do. It was so cool. I just
started to testify to her and tell her that I knew, as a
representitive of Сhrist, that God loves her, and is just waiting for
her to return. The spirit was so strong and we were all just crying.
NOPE, she didn't come to church, but we're gonna get her next week!
well, I love you all!
Love, Sister Tenney